36 weeks

All of a sudden, there's just one month to go (in theory) to the due date! I could spend plenty of time talking about how I feel with the usual late-pregnancy symptoms - discomfort, difficulty sleeping, kicks to the bladder, etc. (though I must say, I really feel pretty good overall and have been lucky with that throughout) - but here's one I've really been noticing lately that was much more unexpected: I just feel so... conspicuous. 

It's been pretty obvious for a while that I'm pregnant, so for many weeks I've been answering the same 3-part questionnaire ("when are you due?" "do you know what you're having?" "is it your first?") while I'm out and about. But in the last couple of weeks I've noticed a major upswing in the comments and stares - now everyone is looking at my belly, and the vast majority of them make some kind of comment.

As an introvert it's a little strange to have so much attention and not be able to hide from it (seriously, there is absolutely no concealing this thing now). I appreciate that people are excited about babies - and that I get a lot of "you look so cute!" which is of course really flattering. But also as an introvert, I never know what to say in response... and that's getting even worse as the comments get more frequent and more strange and as I notice more and more people looking me up and down (I know they're all calculating - how far along? how old is she? why is she at the gym? etc. etc.).

Too bad I don't have the forethought/guts to respond with some of the hilarious Pregnant Chicken's clever pregnancy comebacks on some of these... but here's a catalog of what I've been hearing.

Most common (and I'm sure well-intended, though after hearing so many times, these are starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable and like I'm not being pregnant correctly):

• Almost everyone, on hearing how far along I am: "But you're so tiny!"
• Frequent follow-up from people who have been pregnant: "And I looked like a whale because I gained 50 pounds!" (um, sorry?) or "that's how big I looked the day I took a positive pregnancy test!"
• "You're just all baby!"
• "I can't even tell you're pregnant from the back." (And I can't figure out what being pregnant from the back would even look like.)
• Whatever I'm doing at the gym: "Well, good for you - when I was pregnant, I definitely wouldn't have been doing _______."

Most unoriginal (somehow mostly from 50ish males... always awkward):

• At Walgreens, really loudly: "Well you look like you're just about to pop!" (Which I SO do not. Try again in 4 weeks, buddy.)
• In line at the airport: "So did you swallow a basketball?"

Most unhelpful:

• Parents of small children, after first asking if I'm ready for baby's arrival: "No you're not - you can never be ready." (So why did you ask?)
• Lady in front of me at farmer's market whose 4 small children were behaving terribly: "Aren't you glad you're having one of these?"

Most offensive/strange:

• Guy smoking outside of an office (classy) as I walked by on my way home from the grocery store: "What did he DO to you?!" 
• Two different (female) acquaintances in resident spouse group: "How much weight have you even gained?!"
• Gym manager as I walked in: "Well, don't make me have to deliver your baby!" (as though it's just going to fall out in the hour I'm here?)
• 50ish guy by weights area at gym: "Good for you being here - back when my wife was pregnant she just sat around eating Skyline chili and gaining 50 pounds." (um, don't let her overhear you?)
• Valet lady, really surprisedly, as I stepped out of the car door she opened for me: "Oh!!!"

And then when I mention to any friends who have babies about how strange it is to be so conspicuous and have everyone on the street walking up to me to say something: "Don't worry, once the baby comes, nobody will give you a second thought!" I'm quite sure he's going to be super cute, so I have no problem shifting all this attention to the little guy - until I start receiving unsolicited parenting advice, I suppose...